Saturday, 21 May 2011

finding a way forward

A new vision of self arising. Being able to exist and operate without all of the motivations that motivated me in the past. This is linking in with this deep fix I've always had, about the reason for things and motivations. Such bodily changes are truly meaningful - unlike, say, a mental excitement induced from a story or a piece of art. This new way of being is empty of past motivations, and there's a real joy in not being bound by this need to be always doing or being something. More to do with being in harmony with all things, and realising that really all anyone really wants in this world, is love.

Physically: training going on well, muscle toning, runs. More muscle seems to keep weight up. No evening meals again. Have decided to really break from any bread stuff. All these different things slowly dropping off. Breakfast  too becoming less (oats, rice milk, fruit, no more processed muesli). Lunch, still salad, fruit, nuts and so on, but tiring of the processed humous. This will probably go too soon.

Inner resolve increasing, with regards to the awkwardnesses induced by social occasions.

It's strange how I feel this need to explore in different ways what my body can do. It's as if it's being tested or put into shape from different angles. For example, I would go through a day without eating in the past, while working etc, but now it seems I'm more about doing this in a comprehensive way, whereby I eat something to know it and discard it, or something like that. All I can say is that it's as if different angles are being covered. It's a subtle game to gently find a way forward so that automatic thought-forms related to food drop off easily.

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