love, love, love, love, love

Physical training coming on really well. Been running again, just under 3 miles every two days. Got up the big hill without stopping on 6th run. Press-ups, I can max out at 35 now, but haven't pushed it to 40 yet.

Food, same as usual (vegan - some breakfast, some lunch, no dinner though sometimes fruit for dinner) - but there is a distinct change in how I feel after cooked food. I watch my reaction closely, wondering how much of it might have been informed by what others have gone through. But I see my reaction to be genuine. For some reason, heavily cooked food makes me feel a bit sick afterwards. I can't really explain it. The only way to explain it, is that my body is going through some changes, and needs purer and purer stuff. I can eat, for example, a bowel of chips and beans if I wanted to, but aftwerwards, I would first of all feel a bit sicky, then even later, I would feel sort of distorted mentally and emotionally.

This leads me to attempt to explain again, what not eating food is all about, and why science can't back it up. It would be convenient if science and esoteric reality actually met.

Recently, have been feeling this eye-opening and profound feeling of love again - just love. Love, love, love. Like 'being in love', a real sensation in the heart and body, but with everyone and everything...

This is why having a vehicle - a body - that is running 100% efficiently is important to me - it's about profound self-respect, really. And if that means cutting back more and more on food things, so be it. Hoping that it'll help me cultivate things like patience and so on.

Went through Easter without any chocolate at all, despite everyone around me enjoying it. Could have got vegan choc, but couldn't be bothered really.  In some ways, I'm a bit bored of the short-term taste-explosion of certain food things. How long would I go on with this? It doesn't look like a long-term plan to me. It's a sort of short-term sad self-indulgence - at least, that's how I experience it (ha ha, who's the party guy?!). A mask to hide general feelings of lowness.

Coffee: much less coffee, even actively avoiding it now quite often, which is a big change.

Takes a while to re-educate the mind as to the effect of foods and drinks etc on the whole of the body and psyche.

These experiences of love are like the way forward, just signposts. And it is amazing that love is the ultimate reality, no matter what science and such likes to amuse itself with. Science is like a giant cross-word or something, really quite fun, and can explain certain physical phenomenon, but can't explain the very phenomenon of life, since all explanations remain inside the phenomenon itself. Don't know why this point isn't stressed more in discussions.

Love, love, love....

Coffee investigation and such things

Some updates. Did without coffee for 7 days. First couple of days,  headaches etc, craving coffee 3rd and 4th day, 5th day not too bad, 6th, no feeling for it, 7th, didn't care whether I had coffee or not - but went on holiday that day as well, so had coffee anyway, even though I didn't particularly want it. Drinking coffee again, but not much. It's rather like getting past the craving stage of it, made me see that I was alright with it, to have or not to have. Again no evening meals at the moment, though sometimes an orange or something, otherwise lunch and breakfast 'normal', but avoid processed as much as poss.

Strange, but I don't seem to mind pre-cooked cooked food as much as I do cooked-and-ready-to-serve cooked food. For example, oats which have been hardened I don't seem to mind at the moment, as well as some bread. It's a bit like, I want that burnt taste or feeling in things, but not sloppy cooked vegetables and such like (though hummus I still quite like, which is obviously incredibly cooked and churned and sloppy). I don't know why that should be. In some ways I feel like I'm really bored of food, so something which is burned, or toasted, gets through that taste barrier I have - perhaps a bit like coffee, same thing. Maybe something like that, not too sure really.

What's very useful for me to note, overall, is that the efforts I've been making in trying to sort out my food intake, has been opening some spaces within me and has definitely been worth it so far. :-)