Negative emotions creating over-thinness?

This isn't getting better, it's getting worse! I'm only slightly complaining, more observing really :-)It's just that everything is tasting more and more fake somehow. I've had this thing where I want to be fatter, cause I'm 6'2" and 10 stone - I've been this weight for a very long time - so have been trying to eat more normally. It's not  working. My fitness and strength is great on this weight, so perhaps I shouldn't worry. I don't look skeletal, but I do look like someone without one ounce of fat on me. My running strength and stride length really improved. I suppose some of these long distance runners look just like this, which they do.

I'm so bored of foods, even fruits a lot of the time. I wonder what this all means? I get excited over the idea of eating something I haven't for a while, but it's always a let down.

Added is the fact that my weight just doesn't vary much, no matter what I eat. In fact, I seem to gain weight when I'm mostly fruits, all the water I guess. I actually think that it's negative emotions also that can lead to over-thinness - I've noticed that my weight drops a little when I'm in a funk and eating normal foods, but more than can be accounted for by less fruits. This is strange. The most extreme manifestation of this I suppose are anorexics - negative emotions holding the body in a self-depleting cycle. This however is different, I'm mostly very positive and enjoy life and the basis of my life, has always been an understanding of the deeper things of creation. We are beings of light! etc

So my weight. I had this idea that it might be possible to fatten up on cooked foods and so on, and with these new changes in me, I could then eat non-cooked and keep the weight on, as I wouldn't be shedding so many negative emotions. I wonder if anyone has had any experience of this?

Here I go again... light

It's funny, every time I write something or conclude something, I'm shown that that isn't it.  I have to say, yesterday was difficult, I could feel this light pouring onto me... I've been trying again to live normally, feel normal, but all of this doesn't work; it's like a resistance to the light. Trying to eat normal stuff again, but it really made me feel weird. Eating that amount of cooked food was a strange experience. I don't get pain any more, but it affects my mind somehow, and I really do begin to wonder, how human beings can even operate in a sane manner, while ingesting so many unsuitable things. So many repressed aspects of self, to make it possible, to be 'normal' while eating the drugs!

As to the pain I used to have coming off certain foods: I find in interesting that  I used to get the same pain re-eating these things, but now I don't! I can eat these things again and feel nothing weird, instead, it's my mind or something that gets affected. I like the idea of being able to eat or not eat anything, but it's not necessarily part of whatever journey I'm on here.

I read back on my blog, and I see this inching process forward.

Back on the fruits again.

Just a bit of fun!

It's been ages since I've updated my blog. Some things have changed, others not. Prefer sticking to fruits, but still eating other stuff, not being rigid over it. Doing quite a lot of running. I balance out my search while being a house dad and wanting to present a balanced reality to my children :-))

The main thing that occurs to me these days, is that I know absolutely nothing about anything, really. Apart from being nice to each another and animals, and the world we live in etc, there's nothing much else that matters. It's really simple. Just be happy with what's around!

Sometimes I think, that people are attracted to alternative food lifestyle in the hope that they'll live forever, or something. But everything dies. We live in an entropic universe. Everything is slowly disintegrating... :-)) Everything is actually designed  to die. Of course, there are some rare beings who transcend the psycho-physical limitations of earth existence, but their whole mindset won't be one of being concerned over dietary things!! They might live in the Hymalayas, probably do. 

So much striving is ego based. I often think of Gautama the Buddha and his own search through fasting, that lead him to the conclusion that just eating healthily was the key - whatever aided meditation and the spiritual search. I say this, because so much food life-style culture is weirdly obsessive and actually based on fear.On the other hand, going through periods of fasting is definitely a good thing.

I heard a story once, of a strange Saddhu in India, who ate anything at all, in huge quantities. He could consume anything in great quantities, to no ill effect. He could even drink poisons. It was all part of his own ecstatic reality.  He was like the opposite to being breatharian!

I haven't concluded much for myself still. Eating fruits is good, eating uncooked is better, but what really matters is the spiritual connection. Nothing else matters apart from that. All the rest is just a bit of fun, as far as I can tell.