update - byebye bread

It's been a while since I updated this blog, so here goes.

I've gone through my coffee and bread barrier. This really was going on a long time, and I got bored of it, the struggle of it. I still have the occasional coffee out with people, but not bread. I don't drink coffee anymore in a desperate way, or even daily, for a fix. In fact, last time I had a coffee, made me feel a bit sickly. So, in the gentle manner in which I've been approaching this food journey, I imagine that coffee will go 100% at some point.

I'm eating mostly fruits though some raw veggies as well and still eating nuts occasionally.

My weight just hasn't changed since last time. I was trying to put on weight by eating loads of the fattiest fruits possible (not very easy), but it really didn't work, apart from not feeling well on it. So I'm a tall slim guy, gotta get used it.

One thing that has really  helped with eliminating bready things and the occasional 'social' cooked meal, is expectations. People are used to me now. Big deal. I eat loads of fruits. Someone even laughed (in a nice way!), to say that I'll be on a Channel 5 program soon. I'm ok with it. I really don't miss cooked food at all, it feels really distorted.

I had weird headaches and so on when I really stopped this bread thing.

Somehow I'm more chilled out, and I'm feeling closer to the truth of things and my understanding of reality.

eating fruits doesn't solve anything

Now this is so weird. I'd been off bread and coffee, just fruits for quite a period of time. Then suddenly, I started eating bread and drinking coffee all over again and have since then being eating cooked food again, but the cooked stuff with only medium enjoyment. Everything is so salty and sugary it's incredible. And cooked food is creating such a deep need in me for more cooked food. For some reason though, it's bread again which is the thing that I eat with uncomfortable relish. I feel like such a robot and when I see myself eating, or other people, a part of me feels that it's so childish somehow, though it's hard to explain.

I think this has happened for several reasons. I was getting bored of fruits, and it wasn't solving the whole issue of this feeling of needing to eat. I don't think eating fruits solves anything on that level. Maybe it's better overall for the human body, but I don't feel it particularly improves or decreases spiritual connection. The human psyche can cope with the effects of cooked food. Humans don't necessarily live longer lives being fruitarian. People who eat fruits also die!

The only thing which would improve spiritual connection is to remove food altogether: fasting. Which I've found before.

Going to raw food or fruits is beneficial, but not the whole answer. The answer is prayer and fasting. The answer that has been true throughout the ages. But when am I going to commit to that again...

Still no bread or coffee!

I find this intriguing. I'm still off bread and coffee. Just don't feel like it very much at all.

Feel FANTASTIC going totally raw. Have noticed a characteristic that could lead me backward: celebration mentality, which is what addicts have. I feel great, and somehow I want to celebrate - with the very things that were holding me back. But I know that I don't want to go there anymore, as I don't feel right on it. Changing diet is a curious mixture of having an intellectual approach to things, to remind myself how I felt when I had so-and-so, and spontaneous changes - seems like the two have to go in tandem.

No bread No coffee

Finally happened, coffee and bread have dropped off. The other day this experience of reality, some kind of higher reality came over me, and I felt this urge to move things along. It's strange not having any coffee or bread anymore, just fruits and salads (lots of bananas!). I've put on some weight too, about half a stone, which I'm relieved about, taking me to about 10 and a half stone.

I feel like my head is being re-arranged, re-wired. My glasses and my wrist watch both feel wrong on me, too.

It's a strange thing living through a day without any real stimulants.

Training and running going well. The other day did a run, and straight afterwards some kind of detox thing happened - sneezing and a streaming nose was triggered, that went on for 24 hours.

I feel like the body needs really clear signals to go through changes, and chopping and changing from raw to cooked makes things confusing.

Psychologically moving away from coffee is a big thing for me. Having invested a lot of emotion etc into it, with various coffee making equipment, I'm left to view these items with a level of bemused detachment. Had a real bad headache all day the 2nd day without coffee. Not surprising.

I'm preferring this road of slowly refining food, rather than just fasting. I feel like I'm getting really in tune with the various functionings of my body and how these relate to wider realities. 

Life goes on - energy states

I was quite happy not eating bread for a while. All raw food, not even any bread anymore. Still coffee though.

Then something flipped in my mind, and I've gone back to cooked food like never before in the last year. And bread. It's very hard with the children, being in a family life. Many of the practices I could be doing, I don't have the energy for, with the children.

But there again, I think to myself, what is the real value that a human contributes in his or her life? It always comes down to kindness to others.

In terms of diet, I think that removing coffee is of major importance.  Stabilising the mind free of coffee is really the key, from which true changes can flow.

That'll be the next practice for me, to see how this alters my approach to food.

I've been really enjoying cultivating a non-judgement view toward what I eat or don't eat. I feel freer somehow.

Negative emotions creating over-thinness?

This isn't getting better, it's getting worse! I'm only slightly complaining, more observing really :-)It's just that everything is tasting more and more fake somehow. I've had this thing where I want to be fatter, cause I'm 6'2" and 10 stone - I've been this weight for a very long time - so have been trying to eat more normally. It's not  working. My fitness and strength is great on this weight, so perhaps I shouldn't worry. I don't look skeletal, but I do look like someone without one ounce of fat on me. My running strength and stride length really improved. I suppose some of these long distance runners look just like this, which they do.

I'm so bored of foods, even fruits a lot of the time. I wonder what this all means? I get excited over the idea of eating something I haven't for a while, but it's always a let down.

Added is the fact that my weight just doesn't vary much, no matter what I eat. In fact, I seem to gain weight when I'm mostly fruits, all the water I guess. I actually think that it's negative emotions also that can lead to over-thinness - I've noticed that my weight drops a little when I'm in a funk and eating normal foods, but more than can be accounted for by less fruits. This is strange. The most extreme manifestation of this I suppose are anorexics - negative emotions holding the body in a self-depleting cycle. This however is different, I'm mostly very positive and enjoy life and the basis of my life, has always been an understanding of the deeper things of creation. We are beings of light! etc

So my weight. I had this idea that it might be possible to fatten up on cooked foods and so on, and with these new changes in me, I could then eat non-cooked and keep the weight on, as I wouldn't be shedding so many negative emotions. I wonder if anyone has had any experience of this?

Here I go again... light

It's funny, every time I write something or conclude something, I'm shown that that isn't it.  I have to say, yesterday was difficult, I could feel this light pouring onto me... I've been trying again to live normally, feel normal, but all of this doesn't work; it's like a resistance to the light. Trying to eat normal stuff again, but it really made me feel weird. Eating that amount of cooked food was a strange experience. I don't get pain any more, but it affects my mind somehow, and I really do begin to wonder, how human beings can even operate in a sane manner, while ingesting so many unsuitable things. So many repressed aspects of self, to make it possible, to be 'normal' while eating the drugs!

As to the pain I used to have coming off certain foods: I find in interesting that  I used to get the same pain re-eating these things, but now I don't! I can eat these things again and feel nothing weird, instead, it's my mind or something that gets affected. I like the idea of being able to eat or not eat anything, but it's not necessarily part of whatever journey I'm on here.

I read back on my blog, and I see this inching process forward.

Back on the fruits again.

Just a bit of fun!

It's been ages since I've updated my blog. Some things have changed, others not. Prefer sticking to fruits, but still eating other stuff, not being rigid over it. Doing quite a lot of running. I balance out my search while being a house dad and wanting to present a balanced reality to my children :-))

The main thing that occurs to me these days, is that I know absolutely nothing about anything, really. Apart from being nice to each another and animals, and the world we live in etc, there's nothing much else that matters. It's really simple. Just be happy with what's around!

Sometimes I think, that people are attracted to alternative food lifestyle in the hope that they'll live forever, or something. But everything dies. We live in an entropic universe. Everything is slowly disintegrating... :-)) Everything is actually designed  to die. Of course, there are some rare beings who transcend the psycho-physical limitations of earth existence, but their whole mindset won't be one of being concerned over dietary things!! They might live in the Hymalayas, probably do. 

So much striving is ego based. I often think of Gautama the Buddha and his own search through fasting, that lead him to the conclusion that just eating healthily was the key - whatever aided meditation and the spiritual search. I say this, because so much food life-style culture is weirdly obsessive and actually based on fear.On the other hand, going through periods of fasting is definitely a good thing.

I heard a story once, of a strange Saddhu in India, who ate anything at all, in huge quantities. He could consume anything in great quantities, to no ill effect. He could even drink poisons. It was all part of his own ecstatic reality.  He was like the opposite to being breatharian!

I haven't concluded much for myself still. Eating fruits is good, eating uncooked is better, but what really matters is the spiritual connection. Nothing else matters apart from that. All the rest is just a bit of fun, as far as I can tell.