Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

The thing I'm finding at the moment, is that any progression toward refinement, is often slowed by doubt and going back to old habits, even if briefly. This is not surprising.

While a part of me wants to forget about spiritual refinement, I know that stagnation isn't the answer. Stagnation leads to disease and ultimately death. Illness is stagnation of energy.

Everytime I think to myself, 'let's forget about this whole deal', two things happen. One, is that I truly deeply feel that I just can't and don't want to eat how I used to; Secondly, I feel a calling that I hardly understand at this point. To move things forward. In some ways, I feel that time is running out. It's now or never, for purification. I wonder how many people feel the same?

I don't resent this calling toward purging my body, but it is hard. Working on the concept of food and eating, strikes at the very core of what it means to be a human being, in many ways. Which is also why there is an enormous and automatic resistance from many sides toward the concept of inedia, even hostility. 'If you don't eat you die!' everybody shouts. Addiction. Something I remember that Jericho Sunfire said in one of his videos: 'Don't mess with my tastebuds!', with regards to people who can accept many things, but definitely not refining food intake, or removing it completely.