This evening I felt an increase in energy that was quite disorientating. For lunch I had an apple, a banana, some nuts and dates. It was about 8pm and I hadn't had anything to eat since then. This surprised me really, as I had been working hard all day painting and decorating someone's house, while my wife looked after the children. I was feeling wonderful, sensing the energies all around me, going through me, the web of creation. I was doing some spontaneous moves with my body, feeling the coursing of energy. I wasn't feeling hungry particularly, such was the energy.
This increase in energy was disorientating, because I was experiencing what one might call 'reality', in a different way, and myself also in a different way. Of all the other experiences of an abstract nature I've had before, this was a bit different. As if the physical nature of space all around me was changing.
Also, I was experiencing the entrancement of sense-perception (which humans mostly all fall prey to, including myself), and how freedom from the limitations of life, requires one to lay down attachment to so many things. To expand is to move beyond the automatic conditioning of the mind. I could see the very narrow margin which our sense perceptions occupy, and which are so rooted into eating. I could feel so keenly how the removal of eating, totally removes any sense of normality in life, a sensation I feel I'll have to get used to - if I do eventually end up breatharian. The way we have evolved eating, and eating cooked food, is a curious journey...
My wife asked me whether I was eating this evening (meaning am I eating with her or some fruits and such like as I usually do), as she had taken from the garden a nice spaghetti squash which we have growing. I found it impossible to say no, such was the care she was taking in preparing the food. It can be very demoralising for someone to live with a person, who doesn't want to eat the same food. The food felt very gentle. The taste was enjoyable, but I could feel it like a slight hindrance inside of me.
It's somehow making me sad this eating of cooked vegetables - this must sound weird though. What a strange thing to rip a vegetable from the earth, chop it up, heat it up until it changes its shape, and then eat it? For beings of an eternal nature, where is the value in that? Isn't a vegetable, or a fruit, just a beautiful thing that exists for itself?