Thursday, 17 March 2011

exaggerating certain impulses...

For a few days wasn't having evening meals again. Then, for various reasons, had a couple of evenings where I really *ate* a lot (vegan cooked, beans, grains, bread etc) - well, not a lot by conventional 'a lot' standards!), and I felt really drunk on food! And I was thinking to myself, this is why we eat. My inner vision dimmed, clouded, but for an instant, I felt good, in a sort of unconscious fashion. Who cares!? Let's eat!

But very soon, that tension in my abdomen started all over again, and I felt really bad. And with eating comes the desire for more eating. This I've reconfirmed to myself. Also, it shot my energy to  pieces in various other ways, as well. My craving was weirdly intensified. I could feel myself nearly shaking when it came to lunch the next day, maybe because all that eating did something to my blood sugar levels. This  is a bit strange, as I've never been someone who's had that blood sugar level drop thing, which some people get, and they *have* to eat to function. I've always been quite even in that way. Funny how my old fashioned way of eating, now seems to feel really bad.

On some level I feel that this refinement is pushing all the buttons, turning over stones, and exaggerating certain impulses. I'm going to trim down again, now I can see a bit better the effects of eating unconsciously and eating unnecessarily. I feel all the time that food is a strange thing to rely on, and that it's just bizarre to have this zombie-like  existence of food, supermarkets, and everything that goes with it. All the destruction.

Must increase level of training again, physical fitness, to help things along.

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