Wednesday, 9 March 2011

pushing and pulling sensations...

While I've been resuming a little more eating, I can feel its effect on my body really clearly. Also what I feel is that eating or not eating, neither really matter that much. Today, the food was having a strange effect, like pushing and pulling my body back and forth, a funny sensation.

Mid morning I was sitting with the children having a coffee, while they were having a snack, in cafe overlooking some water, and something happened to me, or my mind. Something I've felt before, but more acutely this time. I felt like consciousness is everywhere at once, and that consciousness really manifests through the body not via the head or eyes, but from the heart area. As I sat there, I really was experiencing this perfect expanse of Awakeness running through me as me - it was calm, true, not excitable nor emotional. My thinking mind really wasn't there very much. It was peaceful rather than 'happy', though this perfect expanse quite naturally leads to a more carefree and 'happy' state of mind. This feeling was like a ray of light, or a radius, like a sheet of light that extends in all directions simultaneously without end. I also saw how work is needed to bring the body and mind into alignment, to resonate more fully, with such things. In my case, probably rather a lot of work :-))

And I couldn't work out, again, how matter comes to be constructed, how things really manifest, how things are created out of this infinite sheet of consciousness. As I sat there, it seemed to me, that it really is just an illusion; and that the actual 'trick' in getting past the main barrier, lies in understanding one's own (beautiful) consciousness - and the non-reality of perceived reality  i.e. thoughts that attract similar thoughts (books, people, situations, and which only appear to corroborate what one thinks...)

I've grappled with this before, trying to draw out from the infinite, some answer  that makes sense in the finite, but there are no real ways to do this... a concrete way of dealing with this seemingly impossible barrier...and yet, it seems that having a more evolved body would be a definite advantage, in reflecting back some understanding, hence my interest in this subject. This is the work of light, really.

I've a long way to go!!

On a more practical note, I seem to have become totally uninterested by the thought of chocolate. It happened some months back, but seems to have settled back more fully, in  a deeper way. Looks like I'm on the road to having the diet of a monk!

No meat, no fish, no dairy, no alcohol, no nicotine, no drugs, no chocolate, little cooked food - what's wrong with me! Oh yes, I still have caffein, but maybe not forever, I don't know.

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