Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Where I am now

After some moments of clarity, eating unprocessed raw food, I've some old mind conditions and emotions coming out of me again. As a consequence, have been a bit relaxed about food intake the last two days, and have had coffee again lately, and today some bread things and oats. Is it the right thing for me? I'm really not sure.

I feel this strain within myself from eating these things - as if I've set on course some energies that I had been learning to control. I find cooked food creates this need in me to have more cooked food. And this pain inside too, is returning.

Why and what does it all mean?

So I'm in a strange place right now. I'm in a position where I know the consequences of eating certain things, in an intellectual sense, even though I may want something, recently. Before, I could feel my body rejecting certain things, so it was easier. Now my emotions are stronger than my body's intelligence.

It looks like progression needs a tandem force at work:
1) act in accordance with what the body naturally rejects, which is the easy force to follow
2) make a point of rejecting something when experience tells me that it's not that great for me, when my emotions are overriding natural tendency. This can be harder, without expanding the mind toward higher thing.

The second point is where determination comes in.

It's ok, I'll go forward again, but right now, I find it hard to find arguements to support a 100% natural food intake. Aren't I contradicting myself now...? I know already the merry-go-round created by consuming cooked food.

Found my weight recently going up a little, which is odd. Perhaps this is as a consequence of detoxing a little. This weight increase happened before the last two days of not being 100% natural. I've been aware of wanting to be slower over things, and more relaxed.

Fitness wise I've been pretty good. Actually beat my personal best running record recently and my press-ups-until-collapse record as well, up to 47.

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