Monday, 6 December 2010

What was going to happen?

When I had an astonishing urge to refine things in my life, including my diet, I turned vegan from vegetarian. I lost a lot of weight, from just under 13 stone (about 82 kg)  to now 10 stone (about 63 kg) (I'm 6ft2 in height = 1.87m). At first, my weight dropped to 11 stone, and I was happy with that. I just cut out all of the rubbish really and of course dairy and so on. I've felt great - more flexible, stronger, greater endurance, and of course I look skinnier. I felt like 11 stone was my personal weight, but without really depriving myself, my weight continued to drop, levelling off at 10 stone. At first I wasn't happy about that, but I've easily adapted to this new weight which is normal for me now.

But something has been pushing me onward, and I've been eating less and less recently (well, that is, until 4 days ago), where for 3 days I ate very little, just a little bit of food at one point in the day, and on one day nothing, just juices. I could feel the deeper things of existence with greater clarity. This was a kind of juice-fasting. I could feel a kind of alliance between myself and a deeper reality. And yet...

When I checked my weight, I had dropped to nearly 9 and a half stone (about 61.5kg) and was beginning to look outlandishly slim (but not lacking in energy, I have to say). Still, that was enough for me to worry, and since then I've been eating a lot more. Ironically, while I was worrying about this weight issue, and deciding to get back onto food (cooked and non-cooked), I could feel the strongest impulse yet from deeper sources, toward refinement, which was saying 'don't worry, we have you in hand'. Yet, I haven't been willing (yet) to follow this impulse fully (at this time).

The thing is that being back on the eating, is that I don't feel great on it. In a way it's a series of eating inputs, to mask over the somewhat down feeling from the previous inputs -  a cycle at work. Experiencing things this clearly though is very instructive, to see how food works.

What was going to happen with my weight loss? would it have stabilised? I'll have to reduce again at some point, for the spiritual reasons that seem to drive me on.

I'm beginning to see the value also of a quick  process, such as the well-walked path of the 21 day process, to make a clean break, though I have little attraction toward it.

Generally, I also have this feeling that there are changes going on inside of me, that are really quite unhindered whether I eat or not, and that it's just a question to time and timing.


  1. Great story about your conscious lesser intake of solid food.Fine that your body tells if the (solid) food feels good or not.The 21 day process is tempting to do but you are it doing it already activ while working.Very practical.
    Do not worry about your weightloss, it will stabilize,if not you can temporarly take just a bit more fruit.Your bodymind will tell.
    Is it not a great bodyspritual yourney?!

    Hans from Amsterdam
    1.85m, did loose water/fat from 75kg to 65kg now stable at 66kg after 3 months of herbal thee and coconut water(and training/toning the muscles...)
    so far so good

  2. Thanks for useful feedback SilverBaronRider. I checked your blog out, you are a great athlete! I see that training the body is essential on this path. Good luck!