Friday, 22 March 2013

deeper integration

It's strange how the call to a deep change is so palpable, and real. I can feel the deeper forces working on this. But also, what a slow process it is.

I'd say since last time I posted on my blog, that my inner strength has somehow become greater. I don't really seek a high during the day or feel that many lows. If there are lows (and there aren't many!), I can deal with them more fluidly, quickly process them. This is really changing the way I might 'need' something to eat. I'm not denying myself anything though, and eat plenty of fruits and salads. Last time I posted I'd gone off coffee and bread, only to hit coffee big again. At Christmas I had one bug after another, and since then, coffee doesn't do it for me. I have had some, but not enjoyed. Since Christmas that makes about 3 months of negative feelings toward coffee, which is unprecedented. It's kind of shame, as I loved the coffee routine. But this calling I have... is about moving the focus to deeper things somehow.

Likewise with bread. I never found coffee as easy as bread to eliminate for a while, so my mind has tricked me a little here... it's been saying, bread is easy not to eat, in fact, since it's not  a problem, have some! lol. Typical addict mentality. Fortunately, bread doesn't instill the same addictive pattern (coffee is the 2nd most traded commodity in the world, after oil...)

Perhaps the main thing I need to express, is to get back at how I started this blog post, as it's here that things are really clear. The call to deeper light, deeper understanding, basking in feelings of love that are entirely overwhelming and thrilling... It's like a messenger on my shoulder or something, saying, we won't let you go, and little by little, we want you to take a step forward in deep transformation....  Unknotting every not, turning over every stone, ironing out every little kink... it has to be done. In fact, the call feels to me, like in a more general manner, is growing in strength. It sounds a little dramatic, but it nearly feels like the message is, do the work, because time is running out...

Peace & Love

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