Thursday, 4 August 2011

I don't want this!

It's hard to describe what's going on with me at the moment, but it's really tough. I'm caught between things at the moment, from raw food to cooked. Sometimes I feel like I really want a cooked meal, so I have one, but then it doesn't sit in me at al well. I feel like I really don't want this struggle I'm in. I want to be happy with eating normally. But there is no 'normal', that is the truth; I've spent many years of my adult life just getting by and not connecting deeply to what I know. To that extent, everyone is being propped up psychologically by all kinds of things, especially food.

So what is happening to me? People talk about detox and a process, and perhaps that's what I'm on, but right now I don't know where it's going, so I can't say what it is. I feel like my tendencies are being accentuated. Added to this are the social difficulties, and being a father of two young children. In terms of the children, I feed them as I was fed (apart from dead animals), and hope for the best. Life seems to be all about unlearning what the world tried to make us believe.

It's as if many things are being removed from me somehow, and it's hard.

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