Today I've been mostly fruit based again - and how much better I feel!
In my last post I mentioned an alleviating of fear, and I want to expand on that a little. At the moment, I feel like fear in all its forms and guises is being dislodged from within me; it feels like a very practical and even deliberate process. And with this refining of food, I've been re-experiencing things as I used to do as a child, before I became absorbed by all the confusing signals of this world. This happens to so many of us - we experience the wonderment of creation as a child, but somehow are unable to draw down this reality, until a little later in life, and create an expression of it in our environment - we became beset by fears and other constrictions. When I say wonderment, I don't mean so much as an imaginative approach to life, as a direct experience of the forces and glue that bind this world together - the quality of the experience is very different. Which brings me to my title for today's journal.
I've been feeling this implaccable wall or curtain of light, that comes down onto me. The experience is quite different to communications or sensations from the 'other' side, rather, it's a force that somehow goes deeper than that. In some ways it feels like Love, that is there regardless of who I am; and so, I'm both caught by this drastic sense of impersonality, and yet also by this sense of Divine reality. And I realise, that Love really is automatic, blesses evenly, regardless of whether someone is a murderer or a saint. Perhaps this 'fear of God' that crops up in religions, is an experience of this type. The only way that I can take, or stand firmly in the light of this force, is to work on myself and work up my inner balance. Like everyone else, the Being behind creation Loves me, but how much of it can I truly, really accept? Mysticism often refers to the levels of existence, and that higher forces and beings are too much to bear for souls who are lower down the steps/wheels of creation; perhaps this is something along those lines.
Another thing I experience, is that turning away from food isn't done because food is bad per se (er-humm.... obviously!!), but because being filled with the Spirit, for want of a better (and less religious!) description, is far more satisfying than the sensations of food. Perhaps an analogy could be: once someone has eaten great food from a great cook, they realise how unsatisfying the food they used to eat before was, from the not-so-great cook! Same thing, but in a deeper way...