Thursday, 21 October 2010

Some developments and realisations, a recap

For a while now I've been feeling this urge to refine my food intake. On this path, I've become vegan from being a vegetarian (though I can't technically call myself a fruitarian nor raw vegan at this point, though I have strong tendencies that way), and I have to say, it feel fantastic leaving these animal products behind e.g. milk and eggs. It isn't only the ethical side of it, and compassion for living creatures that have a sense of self, but also to avoid putting animal energy into my body. It's funny how one becomes accustomed to eating certain things. I remember I always felt eggs to be somewhat weird to eat, but got used to it; and now I can see the weirdness for what it really is. It's putting chicken energy into my body! Do I want chicken energy in my body?? So it isn't just an ethical aspect, in some ways, it's about purifying oneself. It's the aspect associated with forging a path toward unity.

The main drive behind this refinement, is this feeling that we're evolving as a planet, and that each individual who works at their lives, and their food intake, adds to the overall effect of change. We're all changing together. One day we will exist in this planet without needing physical food, once the addictions and attachments have passed. A main angle to this urge toward refinement, is an experience of reality beyond the physical, and a dimension of love that exists only a hair's breadth away from us, every micro second of the day.

What I'm realising, is that it's possible to experience this truth, whether one eats or not. Love and compassion extends to all beings, regardless of activity. And yet, through fasting or refining one's food intake, it's definitely true to say, that it brings one closer to things that are true.

Personally, if I've eaten very little (and I have a very busy life, and work consistently hard when I'm working on someone's house, or looking after my children), I see that energy generates energy. I take very minimal breaks when I work, breaks just slow me down. In fact, I generally sit down for 2 minutes at lunch, to rest my legs, and that's it. Then I'm off again. Perhaps this is also why I prefer working alone, where I can set my own pace. The pace of work generates it's own momentum. This snowballing effect of energy, can be applied across most phenomena I think.

But what I have also found, through restricting my food intake - e.g. small breakfast, no lunch, fruits in the evening, is that my own fears and limitations loom mightily in my mind. On the one hand, I know that I'm fine, and have lots of energy, and yet on the other, a part of me is saying: 'You're a fool. You're going to die. Look at all the weight you've lost. You're a sick man!' etc. Weight loss is a significant issue. It's difficult to look and feel thin, when it isn't something one is used to. It is very amazing how many negativities arise when the stomach hasn't got something to latch onto!

Then there is the issue of hunger. It is all entirely psychological I believe. A significant thing I've observed, is that the feeling of hunger I might have when I'm eating next to nothing (which will come and go), is no different to the feeling I have when I have just eating well. So what is going on? How can I feel hungry in both scenarios? I think that it's really only got to do with the stomach expanding or contracting, giving the brain signals. Rather like the hunger one can feel a bit later after a large meal. It isn't hunger of course, it's just that the stomach has been stretched, and now it's beginning to settle back again.

I'm realising that little steps at a time are the best thing for me. Slowly, and appreciatively of what life has to offer. If I was in a different situation, I would definitely want to do a long fast. But it's worth remembering, that  large changes in many ways should come from an inner urge, not as a mental concept having seen what someone else has done. I think this is very important. I think there are people out there who have maybe become a bit mixed up, borrowing someone else's life-path, and trying to apply it to themselves. This might work for them (after all, all things do have to start as an idea), but there has to be a genuine resonance for it to be really appropriate for them.

Rooting one's experience and urges in love and respect, without letting the ego always latch onto things, is really the safest way.

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