Wednesday, 8 June 2011

an emotional ride

Recently I was looking at cooked food and thinking to myself how horrible it seemed. I'd been on mostly raw stuff for quite  a while - and so cooked food just seemed really weird to me and I felt like I didn't want any part of it. Distorted energy.

But then I hit some emotional things in my life, where I lost my equanimity. Suddenly, I started to really feel hungry for cooked stuff. I realised that it wasn't for physical reasons, but entirely emotional. However, I went with the flow, and so have had a fair bit of bread and a cooked meal.

I've noticed how much easier it is to be entertained by nonsense when on cooked food. This might seem like a strange thing to say. But with the senses slightly dulled, it's easier (in some ways life is easier!) to just go around doing stuff in an unconscious fashion. Being on raw food is a big thing really. For me personally, I've found any form of entertainment to be an uninteresting thing when I'm not on cooked food. We humans like to be entertained, we like distraction from our internal sense of unease. But while fasting, or eating raw, the emotions have less space to manoeuvre. It's strange how society is  based around entertainment and distraction. Food obviously plays a huge part in that.

I don't find it difficult to just sit in a chair and contemplate, maybe look out of the window for a long time. That might seem weird. On the other hand, a part of me after a while wishes that I had a warm feeling toward entertainment, but I don't find it interesting really - apart from comedy in TV and film I suppose! Well, I do find it interesting, but I have to be pumped up on cooked food to find it interesting! A bit like someone who has to be drunk to enjoy something he knows he won't enjoy - perhaps a rubbish film his friends are dragging him along to. This guy then has a few drinks at the bar before commiting himself to something he wouldn't usually enjoy. Maybe most parties are based around this - get by by getting drunk!

So anyway, this testing process goes on. It's an emotional ride.

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