words fail....

I've recently sprung back from a period of very lean eating and some fasting, to eating more again. It's quite interesting how fasting and so on, brings out so many things. It has got to be a gradual thing. And it's not the end of the story...

For me the motivation has always been.... a sort of deep experience about existence. Recently I've been reading about other people's motivations, and I find it interesting how different they all are. One thing I see more and more though, is that I can't identify with some of the different approaches people have to this subject - and added to this, is that I feel that it's such a personal and deep thing, even the description of the process toward Breatharianism, and all the made up 'techincal' words, make no sense - or at least, to me they don't.

I don't mean it perjoratively or judgementally. It's just that it appears to me that 'something goes on', and who knows what it is.  It's possible to think one thing or another, or describe it one way or the other, but none of the intellectualisations make any sense, really. Or at least, to me they don't.

To this extent, even keeping a  blog on the subject, as I explore the early stages of this path, makes me see that in itself, it's sort of futile. I use the blog to organise my thoughts on the subject, but I don't even think there's anything to be organised, if that makes any sense. The best that can be said, is that it's all about using the Will, conjoined with the help of higher beings. Nothing much to add to that.

Maybe this blog is ending its lifespan, who knows.

Recently....

Recently...

Diet wise:
Two days ago I had some oats and plain muesli with rice milk in the morning. Late afternoon, a banana. In the evening, an apple and an orange. Yesterday, I didn't have anything. My energy has been good, strength good. Sense of stability good (i.e. no giddiness etc). But what I did find myself having again, was coffee. Am I addicted to coffee? Throughout the day a part of my mind was coaxing me to eat normal things, in a robotic fashion, but with the coffee, I couldn't seemingly stop myself. I begin to see, why coffee is the second  most traded commodity in the world, after oil... Must find a way in my mind, to work on this.

This morning have been eating 'normally' again, muesli + banana, but also toast, but they've been feeling like a stone inside of me. Haven't improved my energy at all, on the contrary.  And of course, had more coffee... At times I again wonder why am I bothering with this food refinement? Wouldn't it be easier to forget about it?

But no. How can I forget about such a radical thing is putting stuff inside of me. Besides, it doesn't equate with my deeper feelings and impressions of existence....

Just last week I had to have an evening meal (social), and the next morning my energy was bad, really rubbish. I couldn't do as many press-ups for example. On my lean dieting, I can do up to 35 full press-ups now, which I could never do before; but the day after the evening meal, I think I felt the pain at 15 and got to about 25 or something, and my arms trembled and I died! ha ha

food update

Eating very minimally at the moment.Some oats with rice milk for breakfast, and some salad for lunch with pitta, but might not even have that today. Don't lack in energy, but can sometimes feel a slowness in me (esp. in my joints) but I know this has got to do with negative energy from before (perhaps acids that have collected in the joints), rather than genuine tiredness. Been doing a lot of stretching and movement, muscle toning I suppose (press-ups, squats etc)

Have also halted coffee for a while, didn't seem right for me.

Give me food!

For many days I wasn't having an evening meal anymore, but recently I was feeling really melancholy, and like I had a lot of stuck energy in me, around my head. Strange feelings of sadness just coming over me. I think these feelings have arisen out of me, not because I'm lacking in anything (i.e. nutrition-wise), but because eating so much less than I have in the past, hasn't been allowing any silt or sand to accumulate on top of my inner thoughts and emotions. All these accumulated feelings and impressions.  I guess this is where it can get tricky.

In the past I have often dealt with feelings that come out of me, through various means - e.g. exercise, breathing, music etc, but this time I've started eating again in the evenings. It's ok, but feels sort of retro! The one thing I notice, is that 1) it hasn't improved my general energy 2) it hasn't dealt with these feelings popping up from inside of me. But it has covered them up somewhat and provided me with a sense of normality. But how can I talk about normality, when deeper realities have always been clear to me...

I'm going to have to face up to some things, again. I saw a Jericho Sunfire video sometime back, where he was saying that people just don't want to 'pay the piper', as it were. He's right there. Practically no-one wants to pay the piper and go through the difficulties and pains. It's weird, I don't know why I'm on this path of food refinement, but I am. 

no more evening meals

The main thing that has been happening to me at the moment, is that the fruits I've been having in the evening, haven't been feeling right, and so I haven't been having anything in the evenings anymore. So it seems that I'm having two meals a day now. My weight hasn't changed though. Presumably, the weight content of fruit, for these evening meals, was next to nothing anyway.

It feels so great not eating in the evenings. I really feel like I'm treating myself well like this. It's like, at last, I can breathe easy. I'll drink a juice though.

Been wondering about my coffee drinking in the mornings, as I can feel its effects on me, in not such good ways.

A main theme in my blogging, looking back on things, is that I've been wanting to maintain a healthy approach to food. That is, not develop a negative complex toward food or eating; this is because, I feel that without the correct energies in place, having a negative view of food, doesn't lead down a good road.  I've always felt that life is about celebration in all its forms, not the opposite. Any form of transcendance - and that includes breatharianism - I feel should come from a stable place. Just my viewpoint.

Having said that, I experience more and more this feeling, that I'm just putting earth into my mouth, and that it's not necessary. I can feel these strong automatic tendencies, especially in the mornings, toward toast and coffee. Not that it's wrong in any way, but a part of me doesn't like being in automatic mode over anything. I don't like being a robot, or in this case a  food robot.

Back on the liquids

I find it strange how just being a single day on liquids (a few juices), is enough to move a few things along. I also had a coffee, which I was doubtful about having. I didn't really feel that hungry, and in the evening, as I lay down to sleep, and felt full. Again, I could feel this golden energy, thick like soup, going trough me and in me. I wonder how I would be after a few days like this?

Next day, no breakfast, but in the end had a teacake midmorning, and salady lunch; not because I really wanted to, but because felt I ought to really. The hardest thing of all, isn't fasting, or doing food experiments, but living inside a system that so believes in food. It's unbelievably challenging. People really do freak out if you opt out - even if it isn't breatharianism, but just abstaining for one day (a healthy thing in itself) - people don't like it. Must eat, must eat, must eat, must eat, must eat.....

Perhaps the tough thing, is that allowing higher energies to manifest through fasting is a Good thing, and yet people see it as a Bad thing. All religions have an element of fasting in them, e.g.  fasting is one of the main pillars of Islam (but by some Muslims I've encountered, it's become a bit weird: don't eat during daylight hours, but stuff in as much as you can after the sun goes down. I knew a guy at school who would stuff in honey nut cornflakes with milk, chicken, anything apart from anything fresh, after sun down - as if his body was a rubbish bin. I've read that the greatest ill-health in the UK is suffered by Muslim men).Coincidentally, I saw a sticker today outside a supermarket, stuck to a sign post, that read: Halal and Kosher meat: not only is it wrong to eat animals, but you want to torture them first before killing them?

Anyway, I digress. I don't want to be feeding my pain body, as Eckhart Tolle would say, but tuning in to all this kind of stuff :-)

God is love

:-)

No calmness = a need for food

It's been a long while since I updated my blog. So, in brief, since before Christmas time, these are some things that went on, and which I observed.

Over Christmas I at more than usual (vegan). Sort of a feeling of pressure from those around me, and yet, not from them really. More to do with my own sense of...isolation I suppose, and so joined in more. Need to develop more inner strength. Be part of company in different ways, apart from the social activity of eating.

What I observed was this, mainly: on eating more than usual again, I developed a pain in my torso, exactly the same as when I cut down radically. The very same pain, but a little attenuated. Strange that - it corroborates things I've read, that coming off drugs, or going onto drugs, creates the same kind of symptoms, and that there is an equivalence with food. I experience this to be true. Food and emotion are hard-wired together.

What I find extraordinary, is despite my own tendency to sabotage the work of energies that are working with me, there is a definite process still going on. I can feel grumpy, irate even, or I can be happy and calm, and the work continues. But I know that the happy and calm state, allows the subtle energies to function fluidly, while the other state of mind does not.

I experienced a sense of disappointment from some outside entity, that after Christmas I continued shovelling food in, as if I was a rubbish bin. And in fact, when I walk around the supermarket and see the things in people's trolleys - including mine - I wonder, why do we treat our bodies as if they were rubbish bins? Obviously there are different levels, for example, minced-up animal in cellophane, is a grotesque and unecessary thing to ingest, but so is rubbishy wheat products (which so many people are unknowingly allergic to, especially the fermentation process). It's to do with a feeling of lack, which is also hard wired into us. So we open our mouths and pour in stuff which is unsuitable.

So while it's true to say that there is a process that I can't stop, this feeling of disappointment from an outside entity, tells me that there has to be greater coordination between myself and the entities who work with body refinement. This body refinement is a thing that needs to be done, needs to happen, for this world. I was surprised at this feeling of disappointment I was feeling from outside of me, as if I  had let the team down. It's strange, but there is such a distinct feeling and quality to these beings involved with the process of body elevation.

I need to work a little harder at processing the energies.

I don't miss the taste of any food really, if it's there I enjoy it, but if it's not, I really don't care at all. But it's a little difficult being a family person with young children. To constantly remain calm and composed, when everything is a pulling me away from that. I'll find a way.