More and more fruits have been tasting not good. Also, because I do less exercise than I used to, I've been finding that I've been getting too loaded with fruit sugars. Sometimes, after eating some fruit, I've felt tired. Also, I've had that bombed feeling recently after eating fruit, kind of high and woozy at the same time  - so it looks like my pancreas or something, has been struggling with the quantity of sugar involved in eating lots of fruit, even though they're natural sugars...

At the same time, I've been struggling with the taste of everything. Fruit teas have been tasting really bad. I was away for a while and had a coffee, just to get a taste of something I actually liked, but could only drink a third of the cup. I've been in a strange place where just everything tastes bad, whether salad or fruit - anything really.

Yesterday, it was raining and I found myself baking a loaf of bread, for the fun of it - without really much intention of eating it. Also, feeling lonely in my food choices, I wanted to reconnect with the whole comfort=food process - and that's especially true of baking. Of course, I did have some toast in the end, and I have to say, it tasted great to me. Also, the children liked it, which is better than the bought bread they usually have.

It's been ages since I've had bread.

Another problem that has been growing for me with regards to fruits, are the air miles involved. Being transported thousands of miles by air... just so I can have some fruit. Seems insane somehow. I've always had many bananas, but I'm wondering, am I moving away from such vast quantities of fruit? The garden provides nice fruit for about a month, and then it's root vegetables for most of the time.

I seek simplicity really in everything. Really, I need to fast again soon.

Day  4 of fast:

In the morning felt bad, not weak, but a bit nauseaus – drank some tea and diluted fruit juice and did some press ups, then I was ok. Had a very busy day, from swimming to having to go to a concert in the evening.  Weight at end of day, down a little. That night, I was in a strange place within myself, and in the middle of the night I had to walk around the house, gently pacing back and forth. Felt incredibly sad at the bananas I wasn't eating, but I realise that the sadness was there, had nothing to do with bananas really - yet, also felt a kind of deep connection to things. Throughout the day, a couple of times felt like I needed the loo, but I didn't, nothing there.

Day 5 - end of fast: 

Stomach felt a bit sicky on the fluids. Strangely, like yesterday, still have a fair amount of gas.

Weight his morning: 10 stone, so weight has finally dropped a little. There's a bug going round, and my body has reacted to it massively. Extremely sore throat. Decided to have some fruits again, both as smoothies and individually, as I felt so bad. Also, needed to keep my head together.

Day 6: Weight  in the morning: just under 10 stone, despite eating again. Have had the most terrible snot EVER – just a stream of mucus all night. Feel like I'm massively detoxing. 

It's been a week now, eating fruits, and I've had terrible mucus, like I've never had before. Feel this part of detox. It's been cold and very wet lately, damp, and for the first time in over a month, had some cooked food. A baked potato, and some stew.  Will see how I feel about that in a day or two. First impressions, is that it was quite a handy thing to have, against the cold and damp.

1 month raw and 3 days fasting + salt water flushes

Did a month on just fruits, nuts and salad. The only non-raw thing I had was a bit of olive oil dressing on the salad, but didn't have a salad every day.

After that month, started to fast in a spontaneous way on some days off work I had. Was so used to doing myself a fruit smoothie in the mornings, that I forgot about my fast, and had a smoothie automatically... But from 9am onward, my fast had started....

My findings for those days:
Day 1: Later that morning, did a salt water flush, and it did hurry my bowels somewhat. Had some diluted orange juice during the day. Also, cups of herbal teas.
Evening weight: not much difference, just above 10 stone.
Day 2:  Did another salt water flush, but it would not move my bowels at all. Diluted orange juice during the day, also cups of herbal tea.. Quite gassy, which I was surprised about, because I felt I didn't have much left in there. But since it takes between 20 and 30 hours for food to travel from the mouth to the way out, that's not surprising. No stools all day, which is unusual. The reverse of what a salt water flush is meant to do.
Evening weight: I was expecting my weight to have fallen today, but it had not, just about 10 stone.
Day 3: Did another salt water flush, and about 20 mins later it produced a bowel movement. A surprisingly dense and heavy stool for someone who eats mostly fruit, it was difficult. Once that was out of the way, and the blockage has been removed.... I needed to be near a loo for about 2-3 hours!! The salt flush really, really worked. I must have gone 5 to 6 times, and couldn't believe how much was being washed out. It felt so good to be free of all that. Immediately my breathing became deeper, like a part of my abdomen was more accessible. Also, a feeling of warmth spread out from that area, helping circulation to my extremities. When the salt flush really began to work, I felt like something was urging me to SHIFT quickly somehow, like a presence was trying to get me to change gears. A bit later, drank hot water with lemon juice. Unfortunately, I couldn't accommodate the last bowel movement, as I had to pick the children up from school!! I had a worrisome moment in the car... but I was ok! This process is like a game, with humour, and tailored to my way of life.
Weight: Strangely, again, my weight has not decreased, in fact has increased a little. How is this possible? I would say I look a bit thinner around the neck, but my overall weight has not changed, in fact, increased a tiny fraction. despite losing all that internal matter.

I haven't felt weak over these 3 days. Sleep has been a little light though, but have been using that time to read etc. Doing push ups and squats to keep the body motor ticking over... Push ups up to 50, just to keep tabs on my fitness level.

If I feel like I do now, tomorrow, I won't eat, just have herbal teas and diluted orange juice.

It's all OK

Something has deepened. I wasn't going to write about it, as I feel that keeping quiet about these things is a better approach... But then, in these times, I feel that there's enough Light around, for things like this to be made open....

A couple of realisations:

1) The deep love and impersonality of Light - I feel this keenly, unlike other times. This has helped me forward a little. By impersonality, I mean without emotion, without fluctuation.

2) Foods are bad! In my path, of going back and forth, but mostly two steps forward and one back, it's taken me up until now to feel with clear conviction that inputting substances into the body, isn't such a good idea. How long is it taking me to get this fully? Too long!

Am just on fruits again. The other day, just some juices. Really feel a change going on. Like I really don't want to walk back on the old path.

Also, realising that refining food input, isn't about attaining amazing long life, but about cleaning up the body/antenna that receives the higher signals. To enhance communion with those.

I came upon a sentence that really jumped out at me, from a C.S.Lewis book, Voyage to Venus:

 p.135

"...And he bowed his head and groaned and repined against his fate - to be still a man and yet to be forced up into the metaphysical world, to enact what philosophy only thinks.'

Kind of says it all, and perhaps anyone who's on this path feels the same. Why always being pushed on to refine food, to somehow go beyond it? It's an agreement at soul level I think.

Life is like climbing a big mountain toward the Light

Hello, I haven't updated my blog for a long while.

For the sake of focusing my mind, I thought I would write some more - writing has always been found to be the best method in that regard :-))

It was December last year last time I wrote, a long time. This is pretty much how things have gone for me food wise since then.

I got through Christmas as a fruit/raw food person, but went back in a strange fashion soon after Christmas. I was with the family, in the financial district of London, and ended up eating a pizza (!!!?) there. This was strange and crazy for me. I felt cold (it was really cold), I felt strange by all the strange buildings, and the strange reality of London financial district.... The kids and my wife wanted a nice meal, and we ended up in a pizza place, which wasn't even grounded on the earth. It was a restaurant above the road, with cars underneath. So it was weird. I started to ingest pizza, above a road, surrounded by glass buildings and ancient Roman remains. It's hard to explain how disconnect from the earth these places are. I think part of my problem, is that with all the Christmas socializing, I just hadn't been eating my usual amounts of fruit, wasn't really prepared enough.

After that pizza, which re-acclimatized my body to this kind of 'food' (it's definitely not food), and feeling at a low ebb, I ate more cooked food. I still get a soar throat nearly straight away after eating (too much) cooked food, which is weird.

I've been having coffee and toast again, but it's not doing me much good. Also, eating other cooked stuff, but try and keep that down as much as possible. Weirdly, I find a whole cooked meal, with cooked vegetables etc, much worse than eating sometimes more 'unhealthy', like a piece of toast with vegetable grease.

I can't explain this to myself. Why is it, that cooked vegetables, or whole cooked meals, feels like eating a load of sludge and dirt, but chewing on a crunchy piece of toast doesn't? Perhaps cooked dishes are really complex in their make-up, with different levels of things all mixed together.

I don't have a plan to go all raw food again. Really I'm more interested in doing a fast again soon.

My weight has changed very little over all this time, a little above 10 stone.

In my last post I said I was going to have a chocolate croissant at the weekend and a coffee- well that did happen, but only two weeks later. It was ok. Not sure I really enjoyed it that much. The coffee registered positively in my brain, but then there was the come down later.... so...

It's just been fruits and nuts for me all this time, since last time. My weight still hovers just a little under ten stone. I'm preparing for a fruit Christmas. (Salad has been out, don't feel like it, for a long time now.) That's going to be interesting, with relatives etc. Funny, but I really don't care about it. Perhaps because I feel certain about my course of action. Also, I've said to myself and my wife, that I can revert to cooked anytime, but I think we both know, that's not going to happen any time soon...

The other thing is the weather. It's cold. It's damp. But I'm still on fruits. Something's happened to me, and what has happened to me, is not something I can easily explain. I should be cramming the bread in, drinking gallons of coffee, but that's not happening. I am drinking warm teas though, usually herbal.

Actually, I feel strangely isolated in myself at the moment, with other moments of clear perception.

The one thing - or two things, or even three! - I have to  face are
1)my job
2)computer time
3)bedtime

1)I need to quit it. I don't really fit in the IT company. I don't what the f**k I'm doing there really!! Not a clue.
2)I've been spending more and more time on the computer recently, it's like a disease/addiction. I have to quit this constant checking of, just rubbish really. I don't like it when I see people buried in their tablets/ipads/phones/laptops... so why have I been doing this more and more??
3)I have to go to bed earlier.

I don't know how I'm going to quit my job. I'd love just to walk out, without even giving notice, so I don't have to face the people there anymore. Giving notice is the worst kind of imprisonment, in some ways. But it's helpful, and it's nice to be helpful?

Other than that, it's more and more obvious to me.... that everything I do is just one form of distraction to another... it's like my ego is going through some kind of revolt against... just to be a body, animated by consciousness, with no agenda, with no desire to be anything or anybody, someone/body unknown...  with the hope that the overall shape/design of the planet improves... I can't really see anything else worthwhile wishing for really... there's nothing else to do than keep working toward that...

Finally some peace....

I just wanted update my blog a little.

My path has always been two steps forward and one step back. If I look  back, I see I've come a long way at not being a total addict.

Sometimes I was eating a lot of raw food, then going back onto the bread, or coffee big time and so on.

Something has changed now though. It's been months since I've had bread. Coffee, too, I'm switching off without any sense of loss at all. I feel so much freer. I get through work without coffee! Now that is strange.

As I go forward, I'm happy to join in very occasionally. For example, next Saturday morning I'll have coffee and a vegan pain-au-chocolat. The rest of the week, just fruits and some carrot and almonds.

What I foresee, is that this too will slowly start to feel strange (or maybe not!), but for now I'm happy with it. I feel at peace, because I don't crave some of the things I used to...

No rules! Just going with the flow.

I know this blog had the word 'breatharianism' in it, but really, I don't know about that at all. That's just an idea, and I have no idea what it means. What does anything mean? :-))

The Test....

It's been a while since I've updated my blog.

The main thing really, is how I feel that every inch of my life is under inspection... No dark patch or emotion can be left... and also, my reactions to all things are being tested. Much inspiration from Buddhism and very brief contact I had with Buddhist monks. It is possible to go beyond desire and develop a deeply stable mind. Letting go, and in the process, seeing and receiving more, with always the desire to uplift the world in some way.

I wrote that wheat was a long struggle for me, but since last update, I've had no attraction to bread (June I think it was). I used to hit the bread like an addict (because I was an addict). I still drink coffee :-)) This is under review for me now too.

My food intake is really mostly fruits and carrots and celery, and almonds. I haven't felt better. If I feel like 'joining in', as it were, on a Saturday morning, I have a chocolate croissant, but my body reacts to that - not dramatically, but my body doesn't want this. I kind of enjoy that Saturday thing, but on the other hand, it also feels like eating slime or something... (I don't say that to anyone :-)) )

I feel like my body wants to reject  what I'm mostly eating - all that sweet fruit, and fibrous raw vegetables. It's weird, or perhaps normal, but I have bowl movements four or five times a day. I read that was healthy somewhere, I don't know. I just know that my body is eliminating stuff as quickly as possible, to get it out... The opposite, bowls stuck with unprocessed matter, is clearly a health risk. It seems to me, health isn't so much about what one eats, but more about what one doesn't.

Here's a thing I've learned for myself. Eliminating food stuffs isn't really to gain anything for this life, like amazing health or longevity (after all, we all die :-)) ). It's that everything we put into ourselves has a kind of resonance, a link to the whole process surrounding the food product. I feel freer without putting into myself all those energies...

I mentioned that I'm under inspection by something greater than me, and that continues to be true. It really is like a test. Often, I don't welcome it at all, and just wish I could be 'normal' and eat normally, But on the other hand, stagnation is not an option...

Weight still the same, 10 stone. Stopped running (my joints troubled by it). Keeping fit though, push ups etc.

Wheat is no longer my friend

Since last entry I've been off wheat again. During last entry, I ate a lot of wheat stuffs, and even a small cooked breakfast (it was meant to be a Father's day treat, eh). The next day, I had to go to the loo 5 times. My body couldn't get rid of all that stuff quick enough.

And so, I've finally taken a position against wheat. I don't like taking positions against anything really, but wheat has driven me to it. My struggle has always been bread, while eating everything else raw. I've tended to stay away from taking a position, because it's so easy to take a view, from a mental/intellectual standpoint, which has nothing to do with what is actually right for oneself - and sometimes seeing which one is which, can be tricky. People everywhere are driven by ideals that don't necessarily match what is right for them. But in my case, after many months (even a couple of years?) of going to and fro over bread, I've decided to take a line. My line is that wheat is not good for the human body. Wheat is addictive and weakens the body. I've concluded this from the emotional energy associated with wheat, and how the gluten acts like glue in the body. But it goes further than that, gluten free bread is not the answer either. There's something about wheat - gluten free or not - which is completely addictive. I think taking a position against wheat is a game changer.

So wheat is no longer my friend - the kind of friend who was fun, but essentially bad company to be in :-)) (like ex girlfriends I guess, in some cases!)

That leaves me with only coffee as a cooked substance I use.

Wheat is strange, everything revolves around wheat, practically every eating social activity is wheat related.

What I'm going through reminds me of something I heard Genesis Sunfire say once. Something along the lines of, while it's ok to just follow ones own process and the ups and downs and not forcing anything, sometimes one has to take a position against certain things (food related, that is), employing an act of will etc.

Weight wise still just over 10 stone, nothing much has changed. Fitness is good, go swimming sometimes, do a few weights also, am slim but quite well toned I suppose (probably still thin looking to many people). Before I couldn't get used to be just over 10 stone (thought it was too light for someone 6"2'), but I feel great on it really, so I have to stop worrying about that completely. Actually, I have very long runner's legs, so that's where my height comes from. Without my legs, I'd be a shorty :-)

 Looks like my body likes being this way.

Next step in the journey - no wheat from now on! Feels quite strange somehow.

After my month of no cooked, gone back to bread things, but without much joy in it. Some  very weird things going on though... This change backwards has been accompanied with this powerful feeling (like a psychic feeling) of being helped by others who are further on this path than I am. And what has come to light, is that what is really holding me back, is fear - fear of going even further into the unknown, and a lack of commitment to these things.

Despite all the resources out there on this thing that is happening to so many people, i.e. living without physical food... it doesn't help that much, in the sense that one's own personal path and obstacles are not made any easier by knowing that others have gone through similar things. I feel very much like, that I'm stumbling forward completely into the unknown.

After that month without bread, I had two or three days of small amounts of cooked stuff,then nothing cooked for a week (I was thinking this pattern was at last different) but then the bread bug kicked in, - that, and more coffee too (apart from that small cup once a week). These things all seem to be connected somehow coffee-cookedfood-bread. It's rather like, I get the taste for these harder things, and it kicks off the whole cycle again.

I know the only way to kick the habit, is to kick it for good. It's interesting though that twice now I've dumped the bread for a month (as well as cooked food obviously, which I never have much of anyway apart from bread when I'm on it), but twice now when I've reached the end of the month, and something in me is still telling me to go for that drug stuff again.

So that's how it's gone. After those butter beans in a salad, I've had some stuff I thought I'd never have again - croissant type things, and more coffee than over last month (where was having one cup a week). On the other hand, I don't feel like I've completely lost my balance. Just last night, strong feelings of light. Today in the office was tough, sitting at a computer all day, getting achey etc. And this going back to stuff I haven't had for a month (crappy wheat), all started because I had a weird time at my folks, still processing it. Still don't feel like I'm going to start eating loads of bread though. Had some nuts too, which I haven't had for a month. Last time, after my month of abstience from things I've been very addicted to, I started on them for a long time after again. This time, I want to reign things in quicker, I'll give it two or three days.

Introduced a little more coffee again while away at my folk's. Tiny cups of coffee. Came back after a few days away, and felt really hungry. I always feel hungry when I came back from their house. Even though I only ate fruit and salad while they had all their usual stuff - and their daughters love to bake, continuously, bread and cakes - when I got home, had a tin of broad beans with some salad stuff. Now I feel a bit yuky. Why do I always feel hungry when I come back from their house, weird. Think it's an emotional thing, somehow - seeing my mother, sister etc. Could have been worse. Could have binged on bread. Whole month now without bread - without anything cooked or processed at all - apart from the broad beans today. Nothing like old family connections to stir things up. Weight just above 10 stone, last time I looked. 

I'm feeling so sad at the moment at the insane destruction of the animal kingdom by humans. Went past three loaded cattle trucks on the road at different times, sheep in one, cows in two others; all crammed in, looking stressed, piss and shit coming off the trucks, headed for the abattoirs. What a lack of compassion. What insanity. All for the sake of taste pleasure. Humans seriously need to wake up.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with this food refinement, and then I feel like I'm on the greatest adventure of my life. Did a salt flush yesterday – not sure it was quite for me. Definitely made me go more, fairly quickly too, but had lower back ache (kidneys) as well as feeling nauseous at first. However, I did feel that it was really removing and scraping away a lot of sludge inside. Also, it definitely killed my appetite for food.

Nothing changed much over last couple of days, fruits mostly. Developing a dislike toward bananas, which I find surprising, so having less of them. Still getting feelings of depression, almost, after eating. Thinking it might be too much sugar from the fruits, but not sure. Something's going on. Weight about the same.

Still the same. Fruits mainly, some salad. No bread, no coffee. Working on my fitness, but without running. Doing stretching and yoga etc. 

Have a feeling that the body is just the way it is, whether body has food or not, but functions better without. Mind programs and karma etc dictate the state of someone's body. Substances that the body has no idea what to do with, just stores it as fat. Nourishment is really a feeling of inner care – eating something engenders that feeling of being nurtured (perhaps similar to what Rudolph Steiner has said, that energy is drawn through the process of eating, but not actually the food itself). If feelings of inner care and wholeness are maximised, and addicted thought processes removed, it is possible to live without food. 

Science seems to study how the body processes food, without really knowing where all the energy comes from. So it surmises (quite sensibly, on the whole) that food is the energy source humans need; but it's a long way from being the whole story.

Been working on my cold hands, face and nose and feet. Connected to this, feeling a lot more impatient and angry (esp. with the children), and by being more forthright, I've actually improved my circulation. It's as if my bad circulation has been down to being too repressed somehow, literally not being hot blooded enough. So I need to get a balance. Musn't take anything out of the kids! That's the opposite of love. But I guess, as a parent it's always hard to know when to be assertive and when to let things go.

3 weeks later still on the same path. Just raw stuff, 1 coffee a week (actually had 2 last week, socially). Weight staying about 65kg. Definitely building more muscle again, slowly. Eating mostly fruits though some salad at lunch. No oil on salad. Doing raw garlic, seems to be quite a good way to kill off some of the nasties inside.

Whenever I skip food, I get a feeling that it's the way forward. Had a strange thrumming feeling in my body, in my guts, when lying down in the evening without anything to eat. Mentioning it, because the feel of it was way different somehow to anything before, like something being done to me, rather than something just going on and generated by my own body. In fact, even heard someone (the same feel of the energy I mentioned thrumming) say to me 'let us liberate you from needing food'.

Today got home from work at lunch, half day, and didn't want to have anything, but forced myself to; salad, a large smoothie (bananas, orange etc etc). Nearly immediately my extremities became cold. Kind of strange, suffered from cold hands and feet when I was a teenager, then didn't, now it's full circle again, years later. I'll get over it somehow. Anyway, also suddenly out of the blue started to feel really down after eating, like depressed or something - that's weird, because I have no idea where that came from, but it came out of me. Feel fine now. :-)

Again get this feeling that I'm already there, just need to remove a little more, somehow. I mean, remove more murky stuff that is blocking the way.

Just been eating lots of fruits since last update, mostly smoothies. Very interesting how I seem off bread completely, totally. Allowing myself one small cup of coffee a week, with my other half. Always was our Saturday routine. At the moment, even feel like I'll never go back to bread or in fact anything cooked. I'm feeling that in the same way that I felt when I became veggie and then vegan. It's a bigger thing though, going pure fruitarian, than turning vege or vegan, so I'm not concluding anything yet. Just seem to be pushed that way. Not entirely comfortable with the sugar rush and headache I get from all this fruit, even though I try and burn it off through being very active, lifting weights, doing squats, etc. Feel like something else is going on. Like fruits are just another distraction, really. Still, my plan is to get stronger and fitter again, create more bulk with muscle, before fasting again. That's my aim, at least. Last checked my weight, was 65kgs, up from my 10 stone (or 63.5kg), which was my personal cut-off point. Just get this sense that I need to be clean and fit for the next step. No going back, that's what it feels like.

Hit the 10 stone mark this, so I'm eating lots of fruits again. Had three smoothies today and extra fruits in between. Will start doing more exercise and have started working out a little again. Won't go running though. I feel this sense of different things that need to be in place, to be more aligned, to make a switch to different nourishment possible. This also involves less babbling on this blog :-). 

So far don't feel that great eating all that fruit. But really not sure what else to eat, doesn't seem to be anything else.

yesterday:

Breakfast smoothie: 2 bananas, 2 strawberries, 1 grapefruit, a few grapes

Water throughout the day

In the evening, had a banana

A much more hectic day than I intended. Ended up by going to a folk music festival, instead of staying in the house, with the children going stir crazy. It was cold and windy, but we had a good time. Amazing dancers and singers from Czechoslovakia. Thought I'd be weak from lack of nutrition (compared to my usual) but I wasn't at all. Even 7 year old son on my shoulders to see over the crowds, no problem. Didn't manage to drink as much water throughout, as I intended though. In the evening, weight dipped under 10 and a quarter stone, which I'm not surprised about. I think I'm going to start having more stuff again today, we shall see. I feel really great, but I don't want to become too skinny.

Other rambling thoughts today:

It's amazing how fasting or even semi-fasting as in my case increases ones perception of things. Realise of course, that anything I read or hear on the internet about, well, anything really, is meaningless. I can only make up my own mind on things, listen to my own intuition. At the end of the day, the internet has to be switched off completely for spiritual progress, in my opinion, as well as books etc. Of course, information content can be found to reflect ones own viewpoint, but really, it's only a reflection. There's nothing 'new' ever discovered out there, really, only reflections.

And as to the subject of inedia, my guess is still that, there's a vast number of people who would do well just to forget about it. It doesn't matter. Everyone dies. Nothing is designed to live forever, physically speaking. Even forms on the more subtle realms, have to be abandoned. It's kind of ironic, that in the world of breatharianism, people really do want to have a piece of the cake and eat it, as it were. :-)

On the other hand, only speaking for myself, my intuition used to tell me over and over to fast and not eat, years ago, many years before I'd even heard of 'breatharianism' or even the possibility of it. When I used to have an impulse not to eat, and fast sensibly and prayerfully, I had no idea about the whole subject. I just knew that we humans are voracious consumers and far from spiritual alignment. The first I heard of the subject and knew it had a title, was when I came across something on the internet.

I guess ultimately each person has to decide for themselves what gives them energy to life the life they feel inspired to live. If it's cake and biscuits, why not? Obviously there are some options which are healthier than others, but enjoyment and fun goes a long way in giving someone a happy long life. Perhaps some people are fasting without deep connection to Soul, as a mental process – I'd say, forget about it then, go and have some fun. God enjoys fun. Interestingly, in Islam, when you die, it's said that God asks you whether you enjoyed your life or not, and if not, why not? The implication is that it's meant to be about joy and fun. My view is that killing animals for food fun is spiritually unacceptable, so perhaps notwithstanding that, everything else goes.

If there's no joy in attempting a spiritual progression, maybe it's just the wrong path for somebody.

One thing I know, is that I enjoy rambling writing :-))

08-05-15

Breakfast – smoothie made of 2 bananas, grapes, 1 orange, small slice of melon.

Lunch – Remainders of breakfast smoothie

Had a banana late afternoon, for no apparent reason, except it was there and over ripe, and I needed an immediate boost as I was looking after the children

Weight this morning still about 10 and a quarter stone, just under. This is certainly different from last time when I cut back food drastically, when my weight loss seemed to go in freefall. But today lots of anxiety in my head, worrying about getting too thin etc. Something telling me not to worry though. This feels real.

Dry mouth all day despite drinking plenty of fluids. Bad taste in my mouth. Red mark on my face coming out.

Overall, funny sensation that I'm me but not me at all, really. We are many.

Did some yoga.

Had a bath, felt bathed in golden light from above.

Feel committed to what's going on here. When I became veggie 20 years ago, I knew that was it. When I turned vegan few years back, I knew that was it too. And now I'm on this new phase, I don't even know what it is.

I have to go to work tomorrow for a half day.

09-05-14

Breakfast: Smoothie made from 2 bananas, 2 strawberries, a few grapes, and a slice of melon.

Had the rest of it during the morning at work. Keeping hydrated with herbal teas and water throughout the day.

Slight headache all day, hardly noticeable though. Squeezing in my chest/stomach cavity again. My weight today is just under 10 and a quarter stone, but only fractionally. Not sure if it's due to less fluids or not. Loads of energy all day, feel fine, alert etc.