where I am now

I think the current moment is characterized by a feeling, of being really supported somehow... it's like a slow, slow process, where each impression I have over food, the automatic response to it, is slowly being unknotted... And then, each time it's my choice as to whether I become a robot again, or not... and that too, is being worked on...

still where I was last time I wrote, whenever that was, I think... mostly fruit and salads, with bits of toast here and there..and coffee

actually, finding it harder and harder to find bread to toast that I really like... I'm like an addict who can't get a hit out of the usual drug... my favourite and pointless toast is white highly processed and over salted bread... it often tastes really weird to me, but I still go for it, optimistically at least, like I can extract some kind of sensation out of it!! and yet, it tastes completely strange to me... but it's a thing in life worth experimenting with, for a while still...

I could do another month without bread, like I did some time back, but I feel like i'm biding my time, waiting for this energy I feel, to increase and increase, until I have no choice at all...  sometimes, I think, I have to make a stand with it.. I guess it's a little of both really..

I've found that making a 'big conscious decision' about not having a certain thing, makes things work the wrong way, which is why I'm gentle, gentle, gentle with it all. If I look back over the last few years, I can see a slow weaning off process, where I'm freer in different situations to think, I don't need or want to eat this thing..

 I really feel that I'm becoming more aware, really, while still having these things. Perhaps, I'll just naturally reach a point where I say 'that's it - thanks, but no thanks -  it was fun while the party lasted!' and move on, as there are moments where I feel more and more incorporated into this strange but real feeling of a higher reality

In my heart, I feel like I have stronger desire than ever to move forward, but I don't really know how or where, so again, all I can do is go slow, very slow....

if anyone still reads this, I hope this was interesting to you, we are all making a difference to this earth by each removing barriers in our minds, slowly helping the whole by helping ourselves become freer...

God bless!