More and more fruits have been tasting not good. Also, because I do less exercise than I used to, I've been finding that I've been getting too loaded with fruit sugars. Sometimes, after eating some fruit, I've felt tired. Also, I've had that bombed feeling recently after eating fruit, kind of high and woozy at the same time  - so it looks like my pancreas or something, has been struggling with the quantity of sugar involved in eating lots of fruit, even though they're natural sugars...

At the same time, I've been struggling with the taste of everything. Fruit teas have been tasting really bad. I was away for a while and had a coffee, just to get a taste of something I actually liked, but could only drink a third of the cup. I've been in a strange place where just everything tastes bad, whether salad or fruit - anything really.

Yesterday, it was raining and I found myself baking a loaf of bread, for the fun of it - without really much intention of eating it. Also, feeling lonely in my food choices, I wanted to reconnect with the whole comfort=food process - and that's especially true of baking. Of course, I did have some toast in the end, and I have to say, it tasted great to me. Also, the children liked it, which is better than the bought bread they usually have.

It's been ages since I've had bread.

Another problem that has been growing for me with regards to fruits, are the air miles involved. Being transported thousands of miles by air... just so I can have some fruit. Seems insane somehow. I've always had many bananas, but I'm wondering, am I moving away from such vast quantities of fruit? The garden provides nice fruit for about a month, and then it's root vegetables for most of the time.

I seek simplicity really in everything. Really, I need to fast again soon.

Day  4 of fast:

In the morning felt bad, not weak, but a bit nauseaus – drank some tea and diluted fruit juice and did some press ups, then I was ok. Had a very busy day, from swimming to having to go to a concert in the evening.  Weight at end of day, down a little. That night, I was in a strange place within myself, and in the middle of the night I had to walk around the house, gently pacing back and forth. Felt incredibly sad at the bananas I wasn't eating, but I realise that the sadness was there, had nothing to do with bananas really - yet, also felt a kind of deep connection to things. Throughout the day, a couple of times felt like I needed the loo, but I didn't, nothing there.

Day 5 - end of fast: 

Stomach felt a bit sicky on the fluids. Strangely, like yesterday, still have a fair amount of gas.

Weight his morning: 10 stone, so weight has finally dropped a little. There's a bug going round, and my body has reacted to it massively. Extremely sore throat. Decided to have some fruits again, both as smoothies and individually, as I felt so bad. Also, needed to keep my head together.

Day 6: Weight  in the morning: just under 10 stone, despite eating again. Have had the most terrible snot EVER – just a stream of mucus all night. Feel like I'm massively detoxing. 

It's been a week now, eating fruits, and I've had terrible mucus, like I've never had before. Feel this part of detox. It's been cold and very wet lately, damp, and for the first time in over a month, had some cooked food. A baked potato, and some stew.  Will see how I feel about that in a day or two. First impressions, is that it was quite a handy thing to have, against the cold and damp.

1 month raw and 3 days fasting + salt water flushes

Did a month on just fruits, nuts and salad. The only non-raw thing I had was a bit of olive oil dressing on the salad, but didn't have a salad every day.

After that month, started to fast in a spontaneous way on some days off work I had. Was so used to doing myself a fruit smoothie in the mornings, that I forgot about my fast, and had a smoothie automatically... But from 9am onward, my fast had started....

My findings for those days:
Day 1: Later that morning, did a salt water flush, and it did hurry my bowels somewhat. Had some diluted orange juice during the day. Also, cups of herbal teas.
Evening weight: not much difference, just above 10 stone.
Day 2:  Did another salt water flush, but it would not move my bowels at all. Diluted orange juice during the day, also cups of herbal tea.. Quite gassy, which I was surprised about, because I felt I didn't have much left in there. But since it takes between 20 and 30 hours for food to travel from the mouth to the way out, that's not surprising. No stools all day, which is unusual. The reverse of what a salt water flush is meant to do.
Evening weight: I was expecting my weight to have fallen today, but it had not, just about 10 stone.
Day 3: Did another salt water flush, and about 20 mins later it produced a bowel movement. A surprisingly dense and heavy stool for someone who eats mostly fruit, it was difficult. Once that was out of the way, and the blockage has been removed.... I needed to be near a loo for about 2-3 hours!! The salt flush really, really worked. I must have gone 5 to 6 times, and couldn't believe how much was being washed out. It felt so good to be free of all that. Immediately my breathing became deeper, like a part of my abdomen was more accessible. Also, a feeling of warmth spread out from that area, helping circulation to my extremities. When the salt flush really began to work, I felt like something was urging me to SHIFT quickly somehow, like a presence was trying to get me to change gears. A bit later, drank hot water with lemon juice. Unfortunately, I couldn't accommodate the last bowel movement, as I had to pick the children up from school!! I had a worrisome moment in the car... but I was ok! This process is like a game, with humour, and tailored to my way of life.
Weight: Strangely, again, my weight has not decreased, in fact has increased a little. How is this possible? I would say I look a bit thinner around the neck, but my overall weight has not changed, in fact, increased a tiny fraction. despite losing all that internal matter.

I haven't felt weak over these 3 days. Sleep has been a little light though, but have been using that time to read etc. Doing push ups and squats to keep the body motor ticking over... Push ups up to 50, just to keep tabs on my fitness level.

If I feel like I do now, tomorrow, I won't eat, just have herbal teas and diluted orange juice.

It's all OK

Something has deepened. I wasn't going to write about it, as I feel that keeping quiet about these things is a better approach... But then, in these times, I feel that there's enough Light around, for things like this to be made open....

A couple of realisations:

1) The deep love and impersonality of Light - I feel this keenly, unlike other times. This has helped me forward a little. By impersonality, I mean without emotion, without fluctuation.

2) Foods are bad! In my path, of going back and forth, but mostly two steps forward and one back, it's taken me up until now to feel with clear conviction that inputting substances into the body, isn't such a good idea. How long is it taking me to get this fully? Too long!

Am just on fruits again. The other day, just some juices. Really feel a change going on. Like I really don't want to walk back on the old path.

Also, realising that refining food input, isn't about attaining amazing long life, but about cleaning up the body/antenna that receives the higher signals. To enhance communion with those.

I came upon a sentence that really jumped out at me, from a C.S.Lewis book, Voyage to Venus:

 p.135

"...And he bowed his head and groaned and repined against his fate - to be still a man and yet to be forced up into the metaphysical world, to enact what philosophy only thinks.'

Kind of says it all, and perhaps anyone who's on this path feels the same. Why always being pushed on to refine food, to somehow go beyond it? It's an agreement at soul level I think.

Life is like climbing a big mountain toward the Light

Hello, I haven't updated my blog for a long while.

For the sake of focusing my mind, I thought I would write some more - writing has always been found to be the best method in that regard :-))

It was December last year last time I wrote, a long time. This is pretty much how things have gone for me food wise since then.

I got through Christmas as a fruit/raw food person, but went back in a strange fashion soon after Christmas. I was with the family, in the financial district of London, and ended up eating a pizza (!!!?) there. This was strange and crazy for me. I felt cold (it was really cold), I felt strange by all the strange buildings, and the strange reality of London financial district.... The kids and my wife wanted a nice meal, and we ended up in a pizza place, which wasn't even grounded on the earth. It was a restaurant above the road, with cars underneath. So it was weird. I started to ingest pizza, above a road, surrounded by glass buildings and ancient Roman remains. It's hard to explain how disconnect from the earth these places are. I think part of my problem, is that with all the Christmas socializing, I just hadn't been eating my usual amounts of fruit, wasn't really prepared enough.

After that pizza, which re-acclimatized my body to this kind of 'food' (it's definitely not food), and feeling at a low ebb, I ate more cooked food. I still get a soar throat nearly straight away after eating (too much) cooked food, which is weird.

I've been having coffee and toast again, but it's not doing me much good. Also, eating other cooked stuff, but try and keep that down as much as possible. Weirdly, I find a whole cooked meal, with cooked vegetables etc, much worse than eating sometimes more 'unhealthy', like a piece of toast with vegetable grease.

I can't explain this to myself. Why is it, that cooked vegetables, or whole cooked meals, feels like eating a load of sludge and dirt, but chewing on a crunchy piece of toast doesn't? Perhaps cooked dishes are really complex in their make-up, with different levels of things all mixed together.

I don't have a plan to go all raw food again. Really I'm more interested in doing a fast again soon.

My weight has changed very little over all this time, a little above 10 stone.

In my last post I said I was going to have a chocolate croissant at the weekend and a coffee- well that did happen, but only two weeks later. It was ok. Not sure I really enjoyed it that much. The coffee registered positively in my brain, but then there was the come down later.... so...

It's just been fruits and nuts for me all this time, since last time. My weight still hovers just a little under ten stone. I'm preparing for a fruit Christmas. (Salad has been out, don't feel like it, for a long time now.) That's going to be interesting, with relatives etc. Funny, but I really don't care about it. Perhaps because I feel certain about my course of action. Also, I've said to myself and my wife, that I can revert to cooked anytime, but I think we both know, that's not going to happen any time soon...

The other thing is the weather. It's cold. It's damp. But I'm still on fruits. Something's happened to me, and what has happened to me, is not something I can easily explain. I should be cramming the bread in, drinking gallons of coffee, but that's not happening. I am drinking warm teas though, usually herbal.

Actually, I feel strangely isolated in myself at the moment, with other moments of clear perception.

The one thing - or two things, or even three! - I have to  face are
1)my job
2)computer time
3)bedtime

1)I need to quit it. I don't really fit in the IT company. I don't what the f**k I'm doing there really!! Not a clue.
2)I've been spending more and more time on the computer recently, it's like a disease/addiction. I have to quit this constant checking of, just rubbish really. I don't like it when I see people buried in their tablets/ipads/phones/laptops... so why have I been doing this more and more??
3)I have to go to bed earlier.

I don't know how I'm going to quit my job. I'd love just to walk out, without even giving notice, so I don't have to face the people there anymore. Giving notice is the worst kind of imprisonment, in some ways. But it's helpful, and it's nice to be helpful?

Other than that, it's more and more obvious to me.... that everything I do is just one form of distraction to another... it's like my ego is going through some kind of revolt against... just to be a body, animated by consciousness, with no agenda, with no desire to be anything or anybody, someone/body unknown...  with the hope that the overall shape/design of the planet improves... I can't really see anything else worthwhile wishing for really... there's nothing else to do than keep working toward that...

Finally some peace....

I just wanted update my blog a little.

My path has always been two steps forward and one step back. If I look  back, I see I've come a long way at not being a total addict.

Sometimes I was eating a lot of raw food, then going back onto the bread, or coffee big time and so on.

Something has changed now though. It's been months since I've had bread. Coffee, too, I'm switching off without any sense of loss at all. I feel so much freer. I get through work without coffee! Now that is strange.

As I go forward, I'm happy to join in very occasionally. For example, next Saturday morning I'll have coffee and a vegan pain-au-chocolat. The rest of the week, just fruits and some carrot and almonds.

What I foresee, is that this too will slowly start to feel strange (or maybe not!), but for now I'm happy with it. I feel at peace, because I don't crave some of the things I used to...

No rules! Just going with the flow.

I know this blog had the word 'breatharianism' in it, but really, I don't know about that at all. That's just an idea, and I have no idea what it means. What does anything mean? :-))